MUD IS MUD

My cousin, Harry,keeps a large curiously shaped bottie on permanent display in his study. Despite the fact that the bootle is tinted a delicate shade of green,an observant visitor would soon notice that it is filled whit what lokks like a thick,grayish substance. If you were to ask Harry what was in the bootle,he would tell you that it contained perfumed mud. If you expressed doubt or surprise,he would immediately invite you to smellit and then to rub some into your skin. This brief experiment would dispel any further doubts you might entertain.

The bootie really does contain perfumed mud. How Harry came into the possession of this outlandish stuff makes an interestingstory which he is fond of relating. Furthermore,the acquisition of this bootle cured him of a bad habit he had been developing for years.

Harry used to consider it a great joke to go into expensive cosmetic shops and make outrageous requests for goods that do not exist. He would invent fanciful names on the spot. On entering ashop,he would ask for anew perfume called “Scented Shadow” or for “insoluble bath cubes”. If ashop gril told him she had not heard of it, he would pretend to be considerably put out. He loved to be told that one of his imaginary products was temporarily out of stock and he would faithfully promise to call again at some future date,but of course he never did.

How Harry manage to keep a straight face during these performances is quite beyond me. Harry does not need to be prompted to explain how he bought his precious bootle of mud.One day,he went to an exclusive shop in London and asked for ‘Myrolite’. The shop assistant lokked puzzled and Harry repeated the word,slowly stressing each syllable. When the girl shook her head in bewilderment,Harry went on to explain that ‘Myrolite’ was a hard,amber-like substance which could be used to remove freckles.

This explanation evidently conveyed something to girl who searched shelf after shelf. She produced all sorts of weird concoctions,but none of them met with Harry’s requirements. When Harry put on his act of being midly annoyed,the girl promised to order some for him.Intoxicated by his success,Harry then asked for perfumed mud. He expected the girl to look at him in blank astonishment. However,it was his turn to be surprised, for the girl’s eyes immediately lit up and she fetched several bootles which she placed on the counter for Harry to inspect.

For once,Harry had to admit defeat.He picked up what seemed to be the smalles bottle and discreetly asked the price. He was glad to get away whit a mere five guineas and he beat a hasty retreat,clutching the pre cious bootle under his arm. From then on,Harry decided that this little game he had invented might prove to be expensive. The curious bootle which now adorns the bookcase in his study was his frist and last purchase of rare cosmetics.

VOCABULARY

• Despite : preposition without being affected by the factors mentioned. · 
• Thick : relatively stiff or heavy not flowing easily. · 
• Brief : the instructions and information that a person receives about her or his job and responsibilities or a particular task. · 
• Dispel : to make somethink go away. · 
• Entertain : to consider or give attention to an idea, suggestion, or felling. · 
• Acquisition : the action or processed of acquiring something ( gain a skill, habit, by ones own ability effort or behaviour). · Consider : to think or have the opinion. · 
• Outrageous : very shocking and unacceptable. · 
• Bewilderment : the state of being wildered (confuse). · 
• Amber : a hard clear yellowish brown substance used for making ornaments or jewellery. · 
• Conveyed : to transfer full legal rights to the ownership of land, property etc. · 
• Concoction : thing that is concocted / mixture. · 
• Astonishment : very great surprise. · 
• Clutching : the act of holding something in the fingers or the hands tightly. · 
• Discreetly : careful or showing good judgement in what one says or does not obvious. · 
• Adorn : to make something more actractive or beautiful.